With just a few weeks left in December, I wanted to reflect on this past year. It was a big year for me – I left my day job as a receptionist to pursue my dream of being a full time musician. It’s proven to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, but it hasn’t come without hardships. Dealing with the medicaid office for one, was a horrible nightmare. Even though I had saved diligently to pay for a health insurance plan, I didn’t qualify for one because when I applied in March, I had no weddings, so almost no income was coming in. It was also a very difficult decision to explain to others. I left a job with decent pay and good benefits for something that in all honesty had a really big chance to fail. I’m very careful to stay humble because if I was in a different situation – if I didn’t have support from my family, if I had children to feed, etc. I wouldn’t have been able to take this leap of faith. But now I’m doing what I love – sharing my love of music with others, and I’m even getting paid to do it! I also reached another milestone this year – my husband and I got married! (Bye-bye Medicaid!)

Along with all of the changes I went through in 2021 came the busiest wedding season of a lot of vendors’ lives. We saw 2020 and 2021 brides getting married, all in one year. It was a little crazy!! Even though I’ve been playing for weddings for years, this was the first year that I was doing it to make a living. I learned a lot about myself and the business. Below are my top takeaways from the 2021 wedding season.

Check (and Double Check) the Details

As I said above, there were a lot of 2020 brides who needed to reschedule their wedding for this year. However, let’s not forget that 2021 started out just about as grim as 2020 was. It was still full of uncertainty and I had weddings in the spring that still were being postponed to later in the year. I found that even though I was sending out confirmations the week of the wedding, I wasn’t being specific enough with my confirmations. These brides who have had to move everything, sometimes multiple times, had too many details to keep everyone in the loop. Much like the stage crew, the musicians are often a bit of an after-though. We are meant to be in the background, so while it can be frustrating, I understand. However, before I learned to specifically write the start time of the ceremony in my confirmation emails instead of relying on the contract we had signed, I arrived at no less than 5 weddings hours early. A lot of time-frames got moved around without me knowing and I’m just thankful that none of them were moved to earlier in the day, which would have meant I would have missed the wedding entirely. Planning my own wedding this year certainly gave me a lot of empathy, so now I make a point to include every last detail of my performance in my confirmation emails. 

I Need to Speak Up More

I let myself be pushed into a lot of corners to play this year. Trust me, I get it! Brides would rather not have a stranger on her violin in the wedding pictures. But the problem is, I can’t see if I’m in a corner, and I can’t read minds for when to start playing the bridal processional song. I rarely get a good cue for when to start the processional and each wedding is different. I definitely can’t see in a corner when everyone stands for the bridal procession. It’s really easy for me to get frustrated and think “how are you expecting me to know when to stop playing??” But honestly, you just don’t know what you don’t know. Like a lot of musicians, I have some anxiety when confronting people, but it was so worth it to get the courage up to say “I’m worried that I won’t be able to see if I’m sitting here.” I also found that when I was upfront about my needs, not many people had a problem with it. 

I Should Limit My Performances

If you follow me on Facebook, I probably sound like a broken record, but it’s true. I signed up for way too much this year. The weird thing about wedding season is that during the week, my schedule isn’t go-go-go like my body is having me think it is. I love what I do but I still have a little bit of performance anxiety, and I’m an introverted musician! I need to gear myself up mentally to prepare for performing in front of hundreds of people and then being stopped by several guests to talk after the wedding and talking with the other vendors beforehand. Then, I need time to recharge. When I’m doing that every weekend, it becomes a difficult cycle of gear up, expend all my energy, recharge, repeat. If I only did weddings, then it would be difficult but manageable to do that every year. I don’t only do weddings though, I also teach violin lessons 4-5 days a week. This led to me spending my down time (which in all honesty was a lot more than I used to get at my old job!) playing video games, reading, or otherwise vegging out. I started feeling really insecure – how come I had all this time during the week to clean my house but I just couldn’t bring myself to? Why are there three loads of unfolded laundry sitting in baskets on the floor? I have time to exercise and meal prep, why am I still gaining weight? I made a mistake at that couple’s wedding, I can’t believe I would mess up like that! Why can’t I just be better at handling it all? 

And so, I learned that even though I love performing and I’m experienced in doing it, I need to limit it, because it takes a lot of my energy. 

I LOVE This Life and the Potential I have

Even though it does take a lot out of me, I love sharing music with others. I love watching couples tie the knot and learning snippets of their love story. I love the excitement I see in people’s faces when I play an intro to a song they really like. I love, love, love playing with my quartet and being in sync with my friends to make fun and beautiful music. I love that I have time to teach others how to play this instrument that has been through every major life event with me since I was a kid. I love that I have the opportunity to scale back on my performances when I realize that I need to. 2021 has taught me a lot of things and not all of them were easy lessons, but it’s shown me that I’m on the right path after many years of trying to fit myself in a mold that I just didn’t belong in. I’m so excited to see what 2022 brings!!!